A letter saying 'sorry'.
I am writing to you about how angry you were with me at your 40th birthday party.
You mentioned how scared you were of me as a child, especially in the way I dealt with your dangerous behaviour in regards to the old tractor. I'm very sorry if I scared you and I'm very sorry if I hurt you at that time. It was not my intention to do either but if you still have those feelings the situation must have impacted on you greatly. Even though you had a bit to drink at the party when you brought the subject up, I could feel the strong intensity of your hurt, as though it was yesterday.
That incident happened about 30 years ago and you are still feeling the hurt now.
I was very scared that day because I thought that you might go under the tractor. I reacted almost like a scared child myself and became angry and afraid and very overwhelmed. How was I going to cope with your dreadful wounds and pain that you might have to bear and how would I ever be able to explain an incident like this to your mother!
I want you to know that I became very concerned about my immature reactions that I had in many situations, and especially in parenting my own children. So I received help and learnt to cope with my reactive feelings. I realised that I could be a better parent in responding as a mature adult instead of as a scared child.
I have grieved many of the hurts I have been responsible for with others and hopefully they will forgive me and move on from them. It seems that we often need to make mistakes so we can learn from them.
Love, Aunty Louise.